Toddlers can be difficult. You have probably heard the terms “terrible twos” or “three-nager”. These terms seem fitting if your sweet babe has started fighting bedtime, throwing tantrums and insisting that they do everything by themselves! Personally, I love this age. Even though it is easy to focus on their epic tantrums, toddlers also love to show affection. They have the greatest imaginations and always want to help with the chores.
So, how do you minimize the tantrums and get more hugs? First, it is important to realize that your toddler is not acting out to be combative. Tantrums are their way of expressing fear, stress, anger and frustration. Toddlers feel their emotions in a big way. Their limited vocabulary and emotional regulation can make it very difficult for them to express these emotions appropriately. To avoid bedtime battles it is important to help your child express their independence, manage their emotions and set clear expectations around bedtime.
Here are 5 Tips to Help Avoid a Bedtime Battle
Prevention
Preventing a tantrum before it starts is a lot easier than stopping one. No one is at their best when they are tired and hungry. There is a reason the term “hangry” caught on! A bedtime snack and an earlier bedtime will help your toddler manage their emotions better at bedtime.
Consistency
Children do so much better when they know what to expect. A regular bedtime routine helps them know what will happen and avoids any confusion. Toddlers do really well with visual cues. Try using a chart or pictures on their wall to lay out the steps of their routine. A great bedtime routine for this age would be: Bath, brush teeth, story, cuddles and then sleep.
Allow Them To Do It
At the end of the day we are all tired. Watching your toddler struggle to brush their teeth or put on their pajamas can seem torturous. It is easy to want to take over and get it done quickly but this can frustrate your toddler and set off a tantrum. Your toddler has realized they are separate from you and they have an actual need to express this new-found independence. The key is to allow them choice while you remain in control. For example, instead of telling them to pick out their pajamas, give them two options and then let them choose. Try asking them if they would like to brush their teeth before or after the bath. Setting the framework around their choices leaves your child feeling empowered while you remain in control.
Compliment
Toddlers love praise and will work hard to receive it from you. Try complimenting them during the process. “Wow, you were so fast putting on your pajamas!” or “Great job brushing your teeth! They look very clean.” This keeps bedtime fun and reinforces the behaviours you are trying to promote.
Stay Calm
Even when things are going poorly, take a deep breath and try to remain calm. Children mirror our behaviours. If you start yelling, they will start yelling right back. If you stay calm they are more likely to follow your lead.
Try to be patient with them and yourselves. Just when you have had a couple good nights they will throw in a tough one. These strategies will work with time and before you know it you’ll be calling it the “terrific twos”!
About the Author:
Robin Forslund is a Registered Nurse, Sleep Consultant, Lactation Counsellor, Prenatal and CPR Instructor. She owns and runs The Mama Coach in Edmonton, Alberta. After welcoming her first daughter and struggling with sleep and breastfeeding, Robin became passionate about helping other women find their confidence and joy in motherhood. When she isn’t in the ER or helping other mamas, Robin can be found enjoying all that life can offer surrounded by her two beautiful daughters, baby boy, and fabulous husband (probably with a coffee in hand).
Robin loves chatting about all things baby and sleep, if you have any questions or would like more personalized one-on-one help, feel free to reach out to her here.
